Intervention Gives Addicts a Kindly Pain
By Nelson Price
Indianapolis Star - IndyStar.com

“How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want It.”

The title of the workshop sounded intriguing, so I dropped by Fairbanks Hospital recently.

About 35 people were in the room, including folks who identified themselves as spouses, friends, co-workers and pastors of Hoosiers in need of help. Some were distraught. They explained they had been careening from crisis to crisis for years with a loved one.

Bruce Perkins, a Muncie resident, offered them advice. He’s a marriage and family therapist and an addictions counselor who specializes in what is called “interventions.”

Perkins focused on dealing with people who resist help for alcoholism and narcotics addictions. But when I talked with him after the workshop, Perkins said many of his suggestions help people cope with workaholics, anorexics, addicted gamblers – all kinds of men, women and teen-agers who won’t deal with their destructive behavior and the turmoil it causes for others.

There are ways to help
“We want to get the addict help – and make the family members and friends look like good guys while doing it,” he said. “Many addicts have become masters at defense mechanisms, maneuvers, excuses and ways to handle the accusations of loved ones. My goals is to cut through that in a caring way.”

Some of his observations and advice: The belief addicts need to “bottom out” is a myth – and dangerous. “For some people, bottoming out is death. For others, it could be a horrendous traffic accident. Why wait for the worst?”

When confronted with accounts of injuries, humiliations and other problems caused by their behavior, people disregard details that are “96 percent accurate” and seize on the misstatements – say, an error in recalling the make of a car involved in an alcohol-related highway mishap.

Perkins recommends this response: “Forgive me if I don’t have it down perfect. I’m just sharing from my heart because I love you. I’m worried about your health.”

Group interventions, which Perkins said should involve a professional counselor, must be conducted in a calm, precise manner. Effective interventions begn with family member, friends, co-workers and others sharing the qualities they hold dear about the addict.

Writing them off isn’t the answer
“What if the person has driven everyone away? A woman at the workshop asked, her voice quavering. “What if he’s down to one person in his life who even cares?”

No one should be written off, Perkins replied. He assure the woman she might be surprised by the willingness of people to help again. He suggested asking them: “Isn’t he worth one more shot?”

I wondered whether it’s effective to issue ultimatums like: “I won’t let you see the grandchildren unless you get help for your drinking.” Or: “If you don’t deal with this, I’m out the door.”

Perkins replied that ultimatums often help nudge a resistant person toward treatment. If nothing else, an ultimatum might save a grandchild from a car wreck.

Interventions, he added, should come as a surprise to addicts. Otherwise, they will skip the meeting or show up with every defense mechanism in place. Although spontaneous for the addict, the interventions must be carefully rehearsed by relatives, friends and the counselor. Often, employers also join the group effort.

I almost always go out of my way to avoid confrontations. But lately I’ve realized there are times we need to be, like the old saying, cruel to be kind.

Maybe interventions can be kind and “cruel”. Painful is probably a better word, if the truth hurts.

Judging from the stories I heard the other evening, it will.